Confession

 

I can't lie. This is what i want to experience.

This is a confession. I direct this message to you. You know who you are. This is a confession straight from my heart and i hope that if you ever see this message, you'll consider everything I wrote.

Two years ago, when we started our journey in high school, you were a stranger to me. I didn't know you at all. Then, we went to class. I can't remember how we knew each other but since then, you're the only one that i ever had feelings for. Early on, my crush for you wasn't that strong because it was my first crush. But throughout the year, it developed into something very strong. I missed the times when we talked to each other, joked around and smiled at each other. 

After the school holidays, we entered our final school year. The year started out brightly for both of us. We continued to talk to each other, like we used to. Then, it all changed when we were separated. You moved to another class because you wanted to. You feel that your studies are affected and by moving to a special class, you would get a better result. I admit that i was saddened by the event. I wanted to talk to you all the time but my inexperience held me back because i was afraid that i will disturb you if i talked to you. As the days went by, my heart was aching. I wanted to impress you. I wanted you to know that i had feelings for you. Remember once i played you a song? A song called 'Sarah Smiles'? Do you want to know why i played you that song? I played that song for you because the song sang a name that closely resemble yours. Everytime i hear that song, i would always smile and imagined you beside me smiling. But that's just a dream. Your reaction towards the song was neutral. I was devastated. I thought that i annoyed you. I was heartbroken. But i never gave up. 

One day, I texted you because i missed you. I covered my intentions by saying that i was bored. You suggested a questioning game. I played along. You started the game with a question that defined my time with you. "Who's the queen of your heart?". Do you remember that question? If you do, then you know what's the answer. I answered you. And your reaction was emotionless albeit that you said 'awhh, thanks'. We continued the game. After that, i was devastated again. I wanted to know your reaction. I wanted to know if you have similar feelings for me. But you never showed anything. I was clueless.

Then, one day, it was the charity day or something, when i heard rumours of you being with another guy. Initially, i rejected the idea. But then, then rumour started to collect some believability. When i talked to you that day, i smiled at you but behind my smile, it was masking the sadness in my heart. The reason was that i saw you wearing the guy's badge while he wore yours. I could only hold back my tears for so long. A few weeks later, when i walked into his room by coincidence, i saw his locker was left opened. I was curious, so i went to observe it. The first thing i saw was the badge that bears your name. It had a note written on it. It was from you to him. Your words to him was like a woman encouraging her boyfriend. I was stunned. Glued to the spot. I read the message again and again, just to make it clear to me that it was real. It confirmed my suspicion that you liked somebody else. I unwillingly accepted the fact and left the room immediately. After that, i acted normal throughout the school year until the end of SPM. 

After SPM, you still texted me, and i still texted you. My love for you was too strong for me to let go. I just couldn't accept the fact that my first love would be gone just like that without me even trying to woo her. So, i continued to text you, in hopes that you would realize someday that i have feelings for you. 

Then, this happened. It was new year's eve. When midnight struck, you and i exchanged texts. We continued and continued and then, you texted your final message ever to me, "Remember me in your heart forever, kay?" That message left me in tears of joy. I've kept my promise and i will continue to. 

But after that, we stopped texting. Once i tried to contact you, during the collection of our results. But you never replied. I'm still hoping for that reply till this day. 

Now, in college, i still remember you. During my time in college, i saw other women. I often compare them to you because you are the epitome of my perfect girl. Many tried to tick the box, but none ticked it all as much as you. So, i never had any genuine interest in any other girl. My friends asked me, 'do you have a girlfriend?' I answered no. Because that's true. I'm waiting for you. Due to my friends insistence, now i'm trying to get you once and for all. 

So now, here's my message to you. I know we endured tough times together. I imagined a paradise like the picture above where we can spend our days together, enforcing our love for each other. You know people said 'you never know what you have until you've lost them'? Well, that has been the case for me. The longer i'm away from you, the more i love you. 

Yes, i'm saying it right here, right now. I LOVE YOU. 

You may never ever see this but i'll ask it anyway. I just want an honest answer. "Will you accept my plea to make you my girlfriend? Someone who'll be taken care off by me, lovingly and caringly?"

If you can answer the question, my phone is always available to pick up your call or reply to your message. 

A thousand miles seems pretty far but they've got planes and trains and cars. I'd walk to you if i had no other  way - Hey There Delilah (Plain White T's)

If you can see this, do read it.  If you reject my proposition, i understand and i will let go of you so that we can move forward. I'll leave this behind me.

With love,

Dan